I'm sick, I'm tired, it's that time of the month, I'm sad, it's just everything. UGH. I try to be a pretty positive person but last night and today were really hard for me. Last night I decided to weigh in a day early and then go out (lost .4lbs). I ended up having a great night until I went out with one of my guy friends to a restaurant/bar to see other friends (one happens to be the ex). Well that should have gone well but no, he was drunk and ridiculous. My friend wanted to give him a ride home so we all had to get in the same car together where he belittled me the entire way home, swearing at me and calling me names. I snapped, I'm not releasing the gory details but I lost my mind. After when I finally got home I got a million harassing phone calls with him trying to locate the other friend saying we were together and sleeping together. It was all too much, I binged on an entire box of Cheerios and some Doritos.
So that brings us to today, the day of regret. I can't control what he chooses to do or act like but I'm so upset with the way that I allowed him to get under my skin and turn me into a person that I am not. I'm disgusted with myself and so disappointed. I didn't make it through the day at work, I luckily (yeah right) am actually sick so I had to go to the doctors but I left 3 hours before the actual appointment.
I did go to the gym and really worked it since working out felt fantastic. I did 35 minutes on the elliptical and then 30 minutes running (the entire time). I have to say it felt great to run. My iPod was cranked with rock music and running was just I don't easier then usual.
I've got a few calls/text from the ex today and spoke with him once. He said he was sorry and wanted me to forgive him. I just think it's best to not speak with him. I've said this so many times and I have never followed through with it. But I just HATE the person that he can turn me into. I do not want to be like that and I will not be like that.